Today, after taking Waffles on our morning walk and watering the balcony flowers, I was feeling really tired (we've had air quality alerts for ozone for the last 4-5 days because of this high pressure zone sitting over us not moving, also the reason for all the heat and lack of rain as well, at least we got a little light rain this evening because all the trees and grass and shrubs are screaming and the lakes/ponds are so low there's boat draft warnings and the entire state is on high alert for fires) so I decided that instead of making some food for lunch I would just rest a bit. So Waffles jumped up on the bed for some snuggle snoozles and then after a bit Spock jumped up as well curled up right near my head. By the time I felt better rested after my nap, the dog and cat were curled up with their back ends touching each other as well as both curled up along me. The dog stretched and moved away in her sleep in a big stretch -- the cat glanced at her, glanced at me, then winked at me and intentionally moved himself to curl back up with the sleeping dog as well as me. 

It was super cute. he's still hissing at her when he needs a bit more space than the enthusiastic puppy is giving him being right near him, but it hasn't even been two weeks and he's willing to curl up snuggle with her and me all together. So Spock is doing alright with the change now.

The introduction with my parents dog Sophie, however, did NOT go as well today as I would have hoped when I came in for the last hour or so the store is open to start in on watering all my plants that require daily watering right now. Not because Waffles did anything wrong. Just Sophie having territorial aggression/defensiveness issues with Waffles. Which is going to be Sophie's problem -- I told her quite distinctly that she needs to get over it because at this point, she shouldn't expect to ever see me again without Waffles there as well same as it always used to be with me and Audrey. Crissy came by for some beer adn to see my parents and hang out for bit and will be back on Friday when we open the second growler of this beer and have some chips and salsa and queso with it. (It's the Little Salmon Fire from Sacred Waters Brewery, it's a three pepper ale (poblano, serrano, and jalapeno)  and my first reaction to it when we opened up the first growler yesterday made me desire some chips and salsa and queso and Crissy agreed with me today so  that's now our plan for cracking open the second growler of it. So that's the plan for Friday evening -- spicy ale with chips and salsa and queso.)

It will be fine. I'll make it fine as will my dad. But for right now it's a bit tense with Sophie here and Waffles at the same time. Mostly because Sophie can't be trusted not to decide to come out to see people then to turn and snarl and act like she's going to bite Waffles before going back to her bed under my mom's desk and growling incessantly. Sophie does NOT get along with new animals, so this isn't surprising from her, just a bit disappointing. She will get used to it -- but maybe not by next Friday when I will be in Chicago for Nickel Creek.... Sarah already said that she was okay with having Waffles come stay with them that night for me to pickup on the way home if Sophie is being too much of a bitch about it. We'll figure it out with Sophie, she's just being an old lady bitch about change right now. And, Waffles IS a young energetic very loving happy dog (at least as my dog) who's not even three years old yet so she's a lot for Sophie and Sophie wasn't expecting her right when she got back and right now Sophie can't even greet me (after almost a month without seeing me) without Waffles being nearby because Waffles follows me around constantly as her anchor point of trust.

Also. the last couple days, he DID reach me strongly down the bond, just love and a joy in feeling the love returned down the bond... Not entirely sure how he managed that or what it means, because as I said, right now nobody and nothing with the lamprey's energy twined around through it can reach me. But there have been a couple times the last couple days that he did reach me. Which I haven't tried to make sense of, I just accepted because my boundary here is an ethics one not because I don't WANT him to reach me, just because it's ethically wrong for him to reach for me down the bond while he's dating someone else in his life.

But I'm not going to focus too much of my energy on trying to figure that out. There's nothing i can really do about changing it other than being clear about my own boundaries and why they are what they are -- and he has to make his own choices for himself about his life and what he wants in it, both his inner life and his external quotidian life. I love him unconditionally and want him to be happy in whatever life path he chooses for himself and to find the happiness he seeks, no matter how i do or don't fit into that for him. I genuinely do not know how not to love him unconditionally and always no matter what either of us does or how separate our lives are lived and I genuinely don't know how not to wish him the greatest possible joy and all the happiness he seeks for himself, in this and every life -- what I have been working on releasing across recent years is my old assumptions that I had to be a part of his life for him to have that, releasing the assumption that I am even anything that matters to him or that he desires to have in his life. That's something for him to choose and know, not for me to assume.  I have spent since October 2018 teaching myself how to release any sense of expectations about our paths being shared this life and I acknowledge that at this point it's outside of my control and it's about his choices to mend what his sister broke in his name (and the name of everyone else in the band) or for us both to accept we must seek elsewhere for our happiness this life no matter how the bond sometimes pulls or the wyrd synchronicities and mirroring our lives have for each other and always will. I mean, I still WANT our paths to be shared this life (and as many other lives as possible) and i can't think of anything I want more than that this life -- but I have reached a place of acceptance and release of expectations that it WILL be this life. A place of inner tranquility and non attachment that I can find joy and meaning in this reward life no matter what he chooses for his own happiness and life path. It's not a lack of desire for a shared life path to be what we both choose, just a releasing of attachment that his choices be linked to what I desire and instead seeking to maintain inside me a place of unconditional love for him and respect of his free will place of wishing that he have the happiness he chooses for himself however it is created, whatever role I do or don't play in it, and that however that looks it exist in a manner that isn't toxic or creating negative karma or violating ethical codes for either of us.

As for me and where I am putting my energy right now, my quotidian right now is about taking care of plants and dogs and cats and reading and piano music and catching up with my parents and friends who are chosen family and that's all my plans for the foreseeable future. And then next weekend I have tickets for nickel Creek in Chi on the 9th and Milwaukee on the 10th, and nothing else concrete have to in my calendar other than enjoying life and getting the animals all playing nicely together. 

Also, the number of polar bears in my fb feed today.... even more ridiculous! I'm probably not helping by reinforcing the algorithms every time I love or share them, but also they're amazing sots!