I have come to the decision that I am going to close this window into my heart and soul then set it to private to authors -- which is me. I have been contemplating this for many months now and being at my sister's has helped me to realize it is in my own best interests to listen to my intuitive closing of this window and cutting cords that do not serve to bring either strength or joy into my life. My reasons are my own and I do not owe anyone am explanation for my actions or my choices to close chapters where they have lingered open too long. 

There isn't really any particular reason for it. Just an intuitive knowing and hunch for months now that it's the course for me to choose from where things are currently. Not knowledge based, not logical, just a knowing, intuitive. 

This isn't open for discussion. This is my choice. My free will is as sacrosanct as any other and unless you choose me from a genuine inner place of love, you have no claim on my choices nor do you deserve any explanations from me over anything I do.  And don't seek for me, don't even reach for me, unless and until you're ready to choose me. This reward life I asked that I always be surrounded in love for me qua me after the lessons and trauma of last life being idolized and known by the entire world but nobody seeing the true me.... If you can't choose me and love me for me qua me, don't bother to seek me or reach for me -- such reaching will no longer be allowed without coming from a place of genuine love and choosing me as I am this life. And if you're too scared for a choice like that, then please don't seek me out or reach for me. I won't answer and I will send you away. Every time. 

There are many things I could say, but I won't. I am pleased as punch that France won their second match as well so they are the only team guaranteed to move on to the knockout stage of World Cup that begins after I return again to the frozen tundra. Also, it pleases me because I will most likely be somewhere en route to Port Angeles and Sequim on Wednesday morning and can't guarantee my ability to watch the match. So knowing it's not clutch do or die eases my feelings. Look, just because a girl's soul is still exiled from France for reasons dating back to la Grande Terreur doesn't mean she is any less loyal than she ever used to be..... And in any international team event, my first loyalty will always be to France. Always and always. So much so that tonight I made my only Black Friday purchase to buy myself some official gear (a jacket, a tee, and a polar bear wearing a France jersey) from the official FFF shop -- for some reason the things I desires were heavily discounted and only available in my size and then further discounts came off when I went to checkout and PayPal had the exchange rate significantly different from all other exchange rates and decidedly in my favor.... of the $72 I spent on prepping Les Bleus, $26 of that was the international shipping.... I really want a jersey, but I can choose between Mbappé because I love his child-like delight to play which makes watching how he plays is like watching real magic or Giroud because I've had a crush on him longer than Millennial girls have been crushing on Beckham.... Also, I don't want to spend €110,99 on a jersey. I mean, my only Packers jersey is a lady's Rodgers jersey bought to put on a German Shepherd that was literally cut off the dog and then given to me for free which my sister helped me salvage into a no name jersey that you can barely tell has a random crooked wonky ass seam down the back. 

Alors. J'adore les bleus, mais je ne veux pas payer un prix si cher pour un maillot.... 

Also. There's a small chance of me getting snowed in here in Seattle area. Forecast keeps shifting, but my sister is definitely bemoaning, "I forgot to telly ou before you came that you couldn't bring the snow yet, Elsa!"