Do I think that it was Brittany's intentions to act on antisemitic behavior patterns? No. I can't actually speak to intentions, I can only speak to the facts of what occurred and to how I reacted and what it made me feel. but I don't think even with all the wrongs she's done me by her actions and her defensiveness over her past choices/actions that I would call her guilty of INTENTIONALLY behaving that way in the name of the entire band, but it's still what happened given the timing and the way she chose to handle things at that time. The TIMING is what gets it all mixed up together of her actions and who she did it to, but that doesn't mean her intentions included the antisemitic aspects of the acts of ostracism she initiated and made the entire band culpable for taking part in.  The very fact she didn't even think about the way that ostracizing ANYONE (but especially a Jewish woman) without ever replying or telling them in any manner that they should keep their own honesty about what would keep the fan from attending further shows is problematic. The fact she was ignorant of the timing after the single most deadly antisemitic attack and violent gun act and chose that moment to enact a policy of overt ostracism in the name of a band that had previously always stood for inclusion IS a problem and a blindspot even if it was never intentional. To claim that you stand for inclusiveness while actively using bullying exclusionary tactics "everyone can sit with us but you" towards a Jew at a time of highly heightened anti-semitsm is HIGHLY problematic. The history of Jews is one of exclusion and ostracism and bullying by ignoring you or excluding you -- of saying everyone's welcome EXCEPT you.  Would her behavior and that of the band be mixed up in my emotions with antisemitsm if the timing was different for her actions? No. It would still be bullying and exclusion and injustice and defensive refusal to admit that you've done wrong and hurt someone behaved cruelly toward them. it doesn't MATTER that it is currently a socially sanctioned form of bullying to block people on social media -- Jim Crow laws and laws excluding Jews have always been socially sanctioned as acceptable but it doesn't make the acts of bullying and intimidation and "you're not welcome to sit with us" ethically right. And it doesn't make defensiveness surrounding what you did or refusal to even acknowledged it ethically acceptable behaviors. It doesn't matter if you can find a group to justify your actions to you, it doesn't make the bullying and exclusion ETHICALLY right behaviors. I draw a distinction that doing it on your personal account is a personal boundary of stating "I do not wish to exist to you" even though it is often used in internet bullying behaviors especially among girls, but doing it on a professional or group collective account is a stance of exclusion and bullying and "you can' sit with us" POLICY in the name of the band/group/collective/company. There's a crucial difference there. To do it in the midst and aftermath of ANY racist/religious attack, especially against a member of the marginalized group, is to tie it into what is going in the larger society. It just is. 

I don't condemn her or her intentions (because I don't know her intentions) but that doesn't change the consequences of her actions and choices. And denying it and ghosting the issue and trying to bury it just makes her more guilty, not less, of acts of exclusion and ostracism and bullying in the name of the entire collective and in this case mixing it all into the antisemitic acts and attacks occurring at the time she chose to do it. It doesn't make her a bad person, it just means that she's guilty of acting in a way that is contrary to the stated ethics of the band and of dragging the entire band into acts of bullying and antisemitism and cruelty rather than facing and acknowledging and taking responsibility and ownership of her past actions and choices. And as long as the band stands behind acts of bullying, ostracism, and exclusion commited and still being acted on in their name, then they are hypocrites and don't stand behind the ethics they claim. They are nothing but a disappointment to those who have spent their entire lives being bullied and excluded and threatened by people who look like them. She is no witch if she doesn't stand with those who are attacked and excluded. And the Goddess knows. You can lie to your brothers, you can lie to your bandmates, you can lie to your friends, you can lie to your fans -- but you can't lie about the things you have done and continue to do to the Divine. Or to those who are here as hands and eyes of the Divine.

And you can't fix it by just moving forward ignoring the wrongs you've already committed. Nobody can heal this and fix it, unless and until you choose to acknowledge and make right the wrongs you were personally guilty of creating or taking an active part in. Especially when it comes to othering, exclusion, ostracizing. You're guilty until you make it right when you're part of the group that has ostracized and excluded anyone from being free to take part. You're free to choose whatever you want -- you're never free from the consequences of the choices you make and how you act out.

I can't square that circle for you as long as you're in denial or outright lying (to yourself or others) about rationalizing you past/present actions and choices. Nobody can square that circle for your unwillingnnes to take ownership and be accountable for your own choices. All they can do is get dragged down with your defending the indefensible out of love for you. All you do is cause them pain and suffering for making them guilty along with you for your act of exclusion and bullying. Collaborators with the source of exclusionary policies are still collaborators and still guilty of the harm they personally took part in. Even if it wasn't their idea and they didn't create the system in the collective's name that created the policies of exclusion and injustice. Your actions not only amplify your own guilt, they turn your family and friends and your bandmates and your diehard fans into victim blaming bullies alongside of you. And all because of your choices, your defensiveness, and your rationalizations. And you can't just move forward as if what you did never happened when the consequences of the actions remain and shape both the present and the future -- such as when you create a system of ostracism and exclusion that is allowed to continue and endure in your name and the name of the collective of "insiders" vs "excluded." Just because you want to move on and forget without fixing your past mistakes doesn't mean the consequences of your past actions and mistakes aren't still in existence and aren't still unfolding in ways that maybe you didn't intend but you're still responsible for creating and abetting and perpetuating.

No I don't hate Brittany and I'm not angry at her the way the Goddess is angry at her over the dissonance between who she claimed to be and the actions she's guilty of -- I mostly feel nothing as regards her but deep pity. My pity doesn't alter the damage of Britt's actions/choices, past and present, and what she has made others guilty of as collaborators. Still, I feel pity for her. Because I don't think she intended any of this. I think she just got hurt and defensive and lashed out and then felt so much shame (shame not being the same as guilt) at the thought of anyone in her family who she loves and respects seeing the truth of her past actions that she's done nothing but lie and rationalize and try to hide her mistakes she made 4 years ago. But the most dangerous animal is a cornered animal -- and running from accountability corners anyone who insists on running from responsibility of their choices and the consequences of their (past) actions. So while I don't feel anything but pity toward her, I also don't trust her whatsoever at this point because I recognize that the more she feels cornered in the accountability that she can't get away with her rationalizations and lies the more vicious and cruel and lashing out she will get toward anyone who asks for acknowledgement and responsibility taking and making things right so they can heal. 

As I told Mikaela, you can't expect someone to be different than who they have showed you they truly are and thus I don't expect or even hope anymore for any form of accountability or apology or even acknowledgement and quietly making right the wrong the band is guilty of because to do so would require honesty from Britt and her acknowledging the bad behavior patterns she engaged in four years ago. And you can't make choices for other people. But also, WITHOUT that acknowledgement and accountability and making right the wrong she did in the band's name, the band will continue to always be dead to me and their songs will bring me absolutely no joy whatsoever and I will feel nothing but disappointment and betrayal over who they could have been if they had actually stood behind the ethics of inclusion they claimed for themselves, as individuals and as a collective. And this isn't something I can alter -- the boundaries that made them dead to me were created by their own choices/actions and are maintained by their own actions/inactions. It has nothing to do with my choices or anything I can do. i can honor their boundaries that they wish not to exist to me and they wish to exclude me as a fan -- but I can't change their desires/choices/actions which have created the boundaries and the ostracism that is now intertwined with their very identity as a band/collective since it was instituted on their official band Instagram account. But it's not my boundaries, not  my block, not my ostracism, not my choices. It's not a set of circumstances I can choose on or that i can change. THEY chose an identity of exclusion and ostracism and bullying. Or at least, they allowed it to be chosen in their name and have done nothing to address sit or right it. Which is why mostly I feel sadness, no anger just sadness, over the joy that was destroyed and all that could have been if the collective had stayed true to their claims of inclusiveness and standing up for the marginalized. When I feel anything at all about them or toward them beyond the hollows of what was lost and should have been. 

Would I be happy and willing to try again and see if the joy and the love can grow again IF the boundaries of the ostracism were removed and acknowledged the harm of those actions done in the band's name? Yes. I would at least try and let them try to make things right and convince me the mistake was an accident and a fluke not who they really are. everyone makes mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance once they acknowledge what happened before and seek to change for the present/future. But it wouldn't and couldn't be the same. You can repair things you can break once you acknowledge you broke them and put the intentions into fixing it -- but you can't replace the trust that was in the cracks of  how it was before it was broken. Not without the band (or any members of the band) acknowledging and making right the wrongs of the acts of ostracism on the band's official account? No, without that the band will be dead to me and all joy in their music and their video and belief in what they have claimed they stand for is just gone. Just dead and dust and all the joy and love that could have been if it hadn't been destroyed by this one action four years ago and the consequences it created. There is no healing and no second chances without acknowledging the wrongs of the past and trying to make right the wrongs it created in the present. Because otherwise how can I ever believe the same patterns won't just keep repeating in the future with me being the scapegoat and forced into the exclusion zone of an outsider and an undesirable?

I do not say any of this to be cruel, lord knows it's nothing I ever chose and I would change it if I could. I say it to be honest and transparent about where I see things now and how it happened and how it is allowed to continue. You can't change what you're not honest about, and you can't accept and heal and move on from hurtful things other people do if you're not honest about them. Repressing and burying and rationalizing and lying just means the damage continues and you don't know who will be hurt by it next.  The best way to clean out rot and infection is by lancing it and bringing it out into the light, the same is true for people's actions past and present. Only infections and cancers and rot thrive by being buried and ignored... You can choose that for yourself if you refuse to be honest and accountable for your behavior patterns, but it's not what I choose for myself.