O.  Well.  I mean,  if you have a better answer than me self-martyring denying myself what I desire and making us both miserable,  I'd love to give it a try!  The only thing is, if honesty and accountability and integrity aren't foundational elements at the center of the answer,  I won't have it in my nature to take part in that answer... I don't mean to be difficult,  but I don't consider any of those 3 things as sacrificial. I'd sooner sacrifice myself and my own happiness than to sacrifice honesty or accountability or integrity. I know that because I have before and I will again.

But any way out, any answer that doesn't ask me to sacrifice any of those three things, would be preferable to my current fatalism and self-denial... I don't see another way with what's on the table, but that doesn't mean there is no other way.  Just means I don't see it. 

(and by open to a better answer, I mean a better answer regarding Eric.  At this point I don't actually feel anything at all about forever writing off the girls who created this toxic mess or Delta Rae as a collective that have chosen to enable it to perpetuate in their name. At this time,  they only matter to me insofar as they are important to Eric and I desire he have whatever happiness he seeks for himself.)