Current Moment: 

Sitting on the couch contemplating things, full moon in my natal lunar return, ambergris musk and lotus incense smoke wafting about, balcony door and windows thrown open to the summer storm, hot cuppa orange blossom oolong tea, munching on Sunday's fresh picked strawberries, cat purring by my head and dog snoring on my feet, and listening to piano music (George Winston - my cat's favorite composer/musician ever, which made George Winston beam with joy tell me that's the highest compliment anyone could give him when I told him since the only thing he may love more than his piano is his love of cats.) 

This is a really fucking good mood! Super zen.  I highly recommend! Just a very great moment of tranquility and clarity and very specific positive sensory stimuli. A very clear refreshing of energy space and time. 

Here are some thoughts:

1) every time I try to start a response to my aunt's baseless accusations about me lying about my time helping grandma, the voice of fate tries to speak through me to warn her that due to her unwarranted attack against the integrity of a Hand of Ma'at has her every word, action, intention, and rationalizing under the intense scrutiny of karmic justice - particularly as she has read my birth chart and knows how scrupulously the balance of justice and the search for bringing truths into the light shines through every aspect of my chart and she still made that choice.  Responding with that as well as why every appointment is a 2-3 hr visit plus the duration at the appointment will either scare her out of this behavior pattern or enrage her - but I'm not currently allowed to respond without that warning.... I'm going to warn my da I'm doing it and it may blow up in his face - but that the Universe is clear with me she deserves the warning.  

I'm headed to my grandma's after these storms pass through to take her to her 2:30 physical therapy appointment and then tomorrow she has a 10am memory/cognitive assessment appointment since Tuesday's 2pm tele-appointment - so I'll grab her nasty note on the list of dates/times she requested and frame my response to leave her tomorrow. 

2) I want to heal and fix things between me and Eric.  The way things have been is extremely  unhealthy for both of us and it will just get more toxic the longer it takes to clear out this old energy. It's time (and long past time) for healing and building better.  The thing is, I don't know if the lessons from the past mistakes have all been learned - and I dunno if my heart could take repeating the same stupid mistakes the past was stuck in.  Which means that I don't know if it's for him or me to extend the olive branch and start the rapprochement because I'm uncertain if he's broken his recurring patterns of behavior that got u s here or even if I still have some in me I haven't yet seen... And I don't want to yet again fuck up divine timing with my impatience.  I just know that if/when that times come and one of us does extend the olive branch toward healing and coming back toward each other, I will welcome it and rejoice rather than greet it with suspicion or holding onto the bitterness of past mistakes we both choose not to perpetuate into the future.  

But I do know with absolute certainty and inner clarity that that's what I want.  And so regardless any emotional squalls or tsunamis or further poisoning the connection, my desire for peace and rapprochement and healing and clearing out the old energy patterns to make space for new brighter energy patterns is my north star to set my course by. 

No idea how the fuck that translates into real world actions at this time,  I'm just certain of my long term goal and desire for course correcting myself whenever I might do something impulsively/reactionary stupid because I get hurt and want to escape further hurting. 

P. S.  Why is the sound of certain rhythms of rain so soothing?  It's like the aural equivalent of the feeling when someone you love who makes you feel safe runs their fingers through your hair as a sign of affection.  Same feeling, just from a sound instead of a touch.... 

This is currently one of those rhythmic patterns of rain that soothe that particular way.