As I've said before, I'm really shit at staying mad at anyone. I mean REALLY bad at it. If I were to make a list of things I fail at no matter how hard I try, that list looks like this:

1) staying mad at people
2) pessimism
3) knitting

Yes. Knitting. I fucking suck at it. This is not even a joke. I fucking suck at knitting. And nobody has any idea how or why. You can literally watch EVERY stitch I do like a hawk and everything seems okay and then *POOF* a snarled tangled impossible mess and nobody knows how it happens. i swear up and down it's my personal attendant fairfolk and house elves afraid I'm gonna make a fucking sock to gift them or something so they have to snarl the whole thing up when the muggles blink.

Naw, but the anger thing. I really AM terrible at staying angry at anyone. (I can stay mad at lies/hypocrisies and injustice and acts of intentional cruelty -- but I'm not so much mad at the person as at the act of bad faith and bad ethics the committed or continuously commit again and again and again. It's the committing of the acts that angers me and renews my anger after it's died down -- not the person qua human. Does that make sense?) It drove my sister absolutely BATTY when we were kids. I'd blow up full of anger with my quick temper over something, say awful but true things, run away and go find a tree to hide in and come back an hour later wondering how she could still be upset about that old thing when the sun was shining and the birds were chirping and there were flowers and cats and puppies and look at our friendly birch tree in the front yard and here we are so lucky to be alive again in such a beautiful time and place -- how petty to still be angry?! And my sister was the sort to bear grudges and store them up then explode them all on you when she couldn't take any more. My mum more than once would see my sister in a tantrum bawling and ask me why I'd tell her I have no idea and my mom would say, "it takes two to have a fight" then lock us in a room tell me to fix it and I'd just be like, "Soooooo. What are you on about this time then?" and she'd tell me she was still upset about that time three months before when I ate the last of the caramel twix left only peanut butter twix without even asking her if she wanted the caramel twix and when I say, "I didn't ask you because you weren't home. You were at your friends." she'd just start sobbing even heavier tell me, "That's. Why. I'm. Upset." And I'd be like, "Can I buy you another caramel twix then?" "No. I. Don't. WANT. A Twix now. I want THAT Twix. That night. And you ate it. Before I got home." "Um. I'm sorry I can't fix this for you Miche. You're not giving me anything to fix." 'I don't WANT you to fix it. I want you to be as upset as I am." "Well that's just stupid. I'm not upset. About any Twix bar. Or anything. So unless you want to try to anger me somehow this is just wasting both our time. Um. Wanna go build a rollercoaster race track for marbles? I'll let you design it wherever we disagree and tell me which track to play on."

Yeah. I definitely frequently have found myself perplexed at people who stayed angry. It's just so much energy to waste on feeling icky to stay in a negative spin. I mean, yeah, it happens to all of us -- but to WALLOW in it instead of letting it go.... Why? It's done, it's past -- own up to where/how you fucked up, learn from it when people show you their true colors by how they (mis)handled it, then move on. Why linger in the anger? What good does it do you?

So I forgive easily, and I come down hard on myself if I did something stupid or for bad reasons and I need to fix what I did wrong. (I must admit that I am prone to very good logic on very shit premises. Like I can reach some really bad fucked up conclusions by good logic on a bad premise. And that is 100% something you can ALWAYS call me out on. As in, if you tell me, "Um, that's all well and good Dani. But you realize that this idea ________ that you've built this entire idea on is bullshit for reasons x, y, z." I'll probably look shocked while I take in that information, then if you are correct I'll look sheepish, then laugh at me and say, "Well fuck. You're right. So. Now what?" I will never get angry at you out logicking me or telling me that my logic has been faulty or built on bad premise(s) so long as you can point out where/how I went awry. If you can tell me, "Right but you missed this" or "okay but you completely got this wrong" and give me better premises or data to work with, you can win any disagreement. Capricorn moon and Sagittarius Mars.

Also laughter is an emotional reset switch with me. Always. (Food is a good second.) if you can make me laugh, no matter how upset I am, you can reset me back to my factory defaults and get back to a generally happy go lucky solutions oriented logical healer. Once I've laughed. (Or eaten if my problem was hangries. I turn into an irritable fucking bitch and my fuse shortens down to next to nothing. But then you eat me and I hit food nirvana and I apologize and I'm back to my normal self.) 

But anyway. I can't stay mad. I just think it's stupid. I also can't forget anything. So I'll forgive, but I won't forget anything that did or didn't happen. If you don't clean up your side of the mess, I'll remember that. I'll move past it, but what you've taught me about yourself will forever inflect my ability to trust you moving forward and how I internally rate you as a person. I'll forgive and move forward, but you may damage my opinion of you and my ability to trust you in the future by how you handle whatever got me so angry in the first place.  Same as I'd expect me to damage your opinion of me and your ability to trust me if I didn't feel bad about what I had done and apologize and try to make right any hurt I did to you while I was angry.

I will run off when I'm hurt. And I will stay disappeared running away until I've licked my wounds and healed up enough to be strong enough to bear whatever it is and not lash out at other people because I'm hurting. (I also run off when I'm angry when I realize I'm reaching the point of saying things that can never be unsaid.) I've always run off to spend time by myself, somewhere that feels safe. I've never run to a person when I'm hurting -- but maybe someday it'd be nice to have a person rather than a place that I go to heal up without worrying I'll hurt them because I'm hurting. Because as an empath, except when I'm angry, hurting other people is like cutting myself watching me bleed -- which is why when I hurt I run away to be alone with trees and green growing things and cuddly animals -- so I can't hurt anyone else because that would just hurt me worse on top of me wanting to help their hurting.

 But when I'm mad.... When I'm angry I don't much care if I hurt people. And when I'm angry I say truths. truths that I KNOW are going to sting and hurt. That's what I do when I'm angry, I speak difficult truths. And I don't care who I say them in front of or to.

Also, it's not just that I'll speak truths you don't want known, I'll say it all as calmly and logically and matter-of-factly as if EVERY single person already knows it and I'm saying the most banal of facts that everyone knows.....

In fact, if you have any truths that you DON'T want known, then you probably should go out of your way to NEVER make me angry at you. or tell me that truth yourself along with a promise I'll never tell anyone else. Even when angry I still keep all my promises. But short of that, if you haven't TOLD me the truth yourself but you have any truths you're hiding, the LAST thing you want to do is make me angry. Because I'll spit that truth to everyone who you don't want to know it.  And you have to realize, as an empath, telepath, psychic, medium, and witch ANY truth about you that you know/relive/bury or that anyone else knows about you is something I will read in you and carry with me. So ANY truth of your past or present or hidden self that you DON'T want anyone to know about -- make sure you either tell me yourself swear me to secrecy or make a point of not getting me angry. Because EVERY time you get me angry, I'll say the truths about you that I'm not sworn to keep to myself -- whichever truths I feel in that moment I need to say.  And the more intense my anger, the more likely I am to say the things I KNOW you don't want known or that I KNOW will hurt you.

Pushing my buttons, trying to manipulate me, anything that's a lie/hypocrisy, or intentional cruelty and all of a sudden you'll find every secret that you've done your best to bury and hide resurrected in front of everyone you don't want to know it....

It's something to be wary of with me. Under the Libra Sun and Libra mercury and Pisces Rising, you'll find a Scorpio Venus and a Sagittarius Mars and a Capricorn Moon. And when I get angry, that means truths will be said. All the honesty in me will bring the truths to light -- and the more you anger me the deeper I'll dig to make sure they're the truths you don't want known or aren't able to hear.

O I'll feel bad afterward, but the damage will be done and the words can't be unsaid. And the more you think you can push me and manipulate me and the more you TRY to anger me, the more I will bring into the light of everything you want to hide in teh sahdows and bury where nobody can see it.

Honestly, if I'm an inconvenient truth or something I say/do is an inconvenient truth you want to bury, the WORST thing you can EVER do with me is try to control me or bully me or goad me to anger. Because then not just the truth involving me you wanted buried will come out but so will literally EVERYTHING you have buried don't want people to know about you get dug up and the more angry I am or the more you push at me to continuously anger me so I keep digging out your buried truths, the more it will hurt you.

Hiding truths and trying to bully me as a means to keep truths hidden is the number one way to get all your truths you dislike brought into the light for everyone to see.

And me forgiving, letting go my own anger, wanting to make things right that I broke while angry will never unsay the truths I said in my anger. Nor will they save you from what else I'll dig out the next time you attempt to play me or bully me or push me around to the point you anger me....

And that's just how my nature is... I'll forgive easily once I recenter, I run away to somewhere I feel safe when I'm hurt and won't come out til i feel strong enough to carry it without hurting anyone else, and when I'm angry I will bring to the light harmful/hurtful truths especially those you don't want known or don't want to face.

That's the worst you can expect of me -- honesty, bare-faced honesty and dragging into the light all the things you want to hide away pretend isn't true even though it's true. But, I mean, for most people, that's kind of reality shattering when you face it. And. Often it's the people who fake their own strength by burying the things that don't fit their created self image, those who have the toughest looking facades, who just shatter in the face of such bare faced honesty. Especially them. It drives them more than a bit mental, especially when everything they know about how to fight to defend themselves just keeps me digging out their truths into the light for anyone to see.... Those are the people who it devastates the most.

And speaking truths people don't want known and responding to people's unspoken thoughts like they said it out loud and knowing things you can't possibly know and telling people about their pasts and their futures doesn't really make you popular. It makes popular something you don't even bother with -- you just focus on the honesty and the cruelty to others.  And the thing is, I can hide the wyrd in me as long as I don't get angry or get too comfortable. But it comes out whenever I lose my temper or relax and don't realize I've started reacting to things nobody said out loud or things they've never told me. And that makes it lonely because other than my family who are used to it and most of them have gifts of their own and a small circle of close friends who get it and love me more for it, I don't much expect else. It's one of the reasons I shifted the global consciousness paradigm to anyone with latent gifts that could hear the whispers -- sheer loneliness. but also mostly it was time for things we've been setting in motion since the rise of the Roman Empire. Also the over honesty and the amount of wyrd in me does makes dating hard though.... A lot of explaining to do and either they don't believe me til they see it and then typically they get scared or want to treat me as something on a pedestal not a person....and that's before you start talking about genetic propensity and the fact these gifts tend to run in families.... I've never actually dated anyone who just accepted it and understood. *shrugs* Is what it is. Too many strong gifts.   And besides, I decided a very long while ago now that I was done dating if I could see the end before the end before the beginning -- it just bred too much heartache in guys who didn't deserve that. It's why I only consider at this point dating people who I can glimpse future paths with if we choose them, but have never seen any endings..... Also means I've been a long time single and don't even remember the things I'm supposed to do

I can try not to get upset, I work real hard at it. I don't LIKE hurting people I care about.... But when I do get upset, those are the ways I react to specific triggering things that upset me whether it be hurt or anger. those are my patterns, it's what I do. Hurt makes me want to get somewhere safe to heal up enough not to hurt other people and anger makes me lose my filters that care about hurting other people so I intentionally tell them the truths they don't want known (to themselves or others.) I also don't get scared -- crises make me preternaturally calm and decisive and ready for a fight.

And sometimes, when I'm angry I break people/relationships so badly I can't fix them because of the truths I've said aloud when angry. And there's a part of me that's genuinely scared of my anger -- afraid that I might break someone or something I care about and not be able to fix it. And that's when I run off due to my anger -- to keep me from breaking something I can't possibly fix that matters to me. Because there's literally no limit to what I'll say when I lose my temper other than I'll keep sacred anything you've made me explicitly promise not to tell.